Reading through the pages of Francine River’s book (Leota’s Garden); I realized once again that there is no such thing as a perfect life… Never mind, it’s just me – Novels have a way of travelling me out of where I am into a totally different world. But that said. I’ll just get straight to my point. Continue reading “There Are No Perfect People (speaking literally)”
Learning more each day that life is about service. Service to God, and service to people.
Learning more each day that life is about love. Loving God and loving people.
Learning more each day that life is about giving. Giving to God what He has already given to you, and giving to people rather than holding back to yourself.
Continue reading “Learing More Each Day That…”
It feels like it’s been ages since I last sat down to write like this.
Happy New Year by the way; and happy birthday to me (And to Diane Keaton ,lol. But really, I’m not kidding; it’s her birthday, too.)
I feel like today opens a new chapter in my life – because it actually does. Continue reading “HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BABE!”
How you don’t see my worth, I can’t understand
And how you treat me, I must say I only feel pity for you
You don’t see my endowments, you only see my flaws
When you look into my eyes, you only see my mistakes
You never tell me you believe in me…
You seldom encourage me
You don’t love me
Yes, you’ve never ever loved me
You always remind me of my past and failures
You forget to remember that a person’s failure doesn’t make them one…
You tell me “maybe I have a problem”
You say “maybe I’m not special after all”
And when I try to remind you that I could be better
You laugh at me derisively
Wish you could see how much you kill me
Wish you knew how bad you suffocate me
You never let me speak
Never for once have you decided to hear me out
Rather, you shut me up by your unbelief in me…
I am fagged, I am running out of oxygen
But it’s in your hand to save me
And it’s in your hand to rescue me
Look into this mirror and speak life to me now – your reflection
Look into this mirror and speak breath to who you see
Please let your healing words be the remedy that bring this dying image back to life
She would love to leave this place
She would love so much to fly away
Maybe board a plane tonight,
Or maybe spread her own wings and just…
Fly fly fly away.
To somewhere that isn’t near “here”
And somewhere that isn’t near “there”
To somewhere, where colour meets Earth
And Earth kisses beauty,
So that Beauty births Nature. And Nature, Wonder.
She’ll fly fly fly away,
To somewhere, where feet meets cold sand
And face feels the cool air,
With hands spread wide,
And eyes so closed.
Somewhere, where the skies are blue.
And the sun is gold-orange.
Where eight planets are revolving.
And a thousand trees are chanting.
Happiness. And Excitement. She’ll feel alive again.
Spirit. Soul. Body. She’ll finally be breathing.
Exhaling the exhaust,
And inhaling the Breeze.
This sweet breeze of Peace
This sweet breeze of Quiet
This sweet breeze of Rest
This sweet breeze of Freedom
This sweet breeze of Calm
This sweet breeze from Heaven
That whirls into her ear…
…a David Jesse’s Psalm.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
And should she not be afraid?
Afraid of dreaming to fly?
Because, aren’t these all but a figment of her imagination?
Aren’t these all but a picture in her mind?
And when she opens those brown eyes at dawn,
Will reality not knock her in the face again?
Like a hard rock thrown upon a soft wall?
Certainly it will.
But regardless; she’ll let tonight be tonight.
And since she has got tonight,
Then she’ll dream tonight.
She’ll spread those wings, and she’ll fly tonight.
She’ll fly so fast tonight,
Faster than the Peregrine falcon,
And far far far away, she will fly
To that place where only her mind can see.
To that place where someday she assuredly will be.
“Still later He appeared to the eleven disciples as they were eating together and walked up to Peter and said ‘I told you you’d deny me three times before the rooster crows twice, Didn’t I? And see! You did exactly that! Even after you beat your chest and told me you could never deny me…you told me that: even if it meant dying with me, you would rather die than deny me; but still you denied me – I told you, Of course I knew it! You couldn’t even look that young maid in the face and say “Yes, I know Jesus of Nazareth. I’m His follower.” instead you cursed and swore that you did not know a thing about me. You swore that you had never even seen me before…Simon! Simon! Well I won’t say I’m quite disappointed, because I already knew it was going to happen.’ Then Jesus shook His head at Peter and turned to the other ten.”
But that wasn’t the way it happened.
That wasn’t the way it was recorded in Mark 16: 14 (TLB). It was recorded in Mark that: While the disciples were eating together, Jesus appeared to all of them and rebuked them for their unbelief (He rebuked them because of the fact that they stubbornly refused to believe those who had told them that He was alive again). So, Yes that was what the Bible recorded and not what you first read above. As a matter of fact, I don’t recall reading a single verse where Jesus, after He had risen and appeared to the disciples reminded Peter of the fact that he denied Him thrice. He didn’t even bring the matter up again. He never did. Or did He? Um…well, not in my own Bible. And guess what? Not even in yours.
So Love keeps no record of wrongs, and that’s why He keeps no record of any wrong whatsoever; because He is LOVE.
My Jesus is Real Love.
Look, I don’t know how Peter felt when he saw Jesus for the first time after the last time he saw Him. I don’t know what was going on in Peter’s head when he saw the Jesus he denied appear before him and the other disciples. Did his heart skip a beat or two? Or was his heart was at perfect ease? Did he put His head down and pretend to play with His finger nails? Was he looking at the ceiling the whole time so that his gaze wasn’t going to meet Jesus’? Or did he keep his head up and look straight into the loving eyes of his Saviour? Really I don’t know, and I can only imagine; but this one thing I am sure of: However Peter felt at that moment, whether good or awkward, comfortable or uncomfortable; Jesus never wanted him to feel anything less than the friend and brother he had always been. Jesus loved Peter so much, regardless of the fact that he denied Him.
Yep, I know we are all growing. But let’s choose to learn daily from these examples that we see in the life of Jesus. Let’s learn to form our character from them. I love the way the Holy Spirit can just inspire us from these simple stories (Truths) in God’s word. God is amazing and simple. And He teaches us big things even from the little things.
I hope you get to learn what I learnt from this. I learnt that: Not keeping record of my brother’s wrongs or sister’s wrongs won’t kill me; but instead it will help me become more like Jesus; and of course I can’t do this in my own strength especially when I feel really hurt and all I want to do is be angry and mad, when my flesh gives me every reason to be hurt again and tells me: ‘oh yeah, you’ve got the chance now to remind her of what she did to you 3months ago.You’ve got the chance now to point your finger at him and condemn him.’
So of a truth: I can’t do it on my own; but I can ask for the grace to calm down and keep my mouth shut. I can ask the Holy Spirit (Who lives inside of me) to help me and to strengthen my love-walk toward that person or those people.
I also learnt that: God never wants me to feel anything less than His princess and daughter regardless of whatever I’d done before. He loves me, He wants me to grow intentionally and He keeps no record of my wrongs. Yes, He keeps no record of your wrongs.
(Originally written on June 11th, 2015)
Today, I was amazed at how I felt when I said to myself ‘Yeah Jaachi, you shouldn’t have done that; but I forgive you’. This will be the first time in my life that I’ll ever say these words out loud to myself. On every other day before today, I just deliberately ignore whatever it is I had done and consciously forget about it – but today, I said to myself out loud ‘I forgive you’.
Many times, we beat ourselves up over stuff we cannot change. We become too sad because we feel like we have disappointed ourselves by doing some things we ought not to have done – This is wrong. True, repentance is good and healthy. And in fact it is very necessary; but please never mistake regret for repentance. Regret is something way different; it is unhealthy and pointless and just isn’t right…it wears you out. It births worry, it births guilt, it births self-hate, it may give you a feeling of constant disappointment in yourself, and worst…it births a low self-esteem…and you see, neither of the above mentioned is God’s will for you – or for us.
In living, I have learnt that life is beautiful, and other days funny, and other days boring, and other days magic, and sometimes…just plain disappionting. I’ve learnt that moving on is a way better thing to do than staying or sleeping on some wrong that I have done in the past or whatever. I’ve learnt that happiness is a choice; and so is unhappiness – in fact, almost everything in life is a choice. And so every day – as much as you can, do choose to be happy. Do choose to forgive yourself. Do choose to move on.
I hope you know that happiness will NOT just jump on you; like I said earlier: it is a choice. Choose to remember that you have all that you need. You have a Father on whose Love you can bank on and trust in 24hours a day, 7 days a week…and that is all that matters, really.
I strongly believe that the words ‘I forgive you’ aren’t only meant to be told to people who have hurt us, or whatever. Some days, we also have to say these words to ourselves – call out our own names, and tell ourselves ‘I forgive you’. ‘That was a really stupid thing you did but, I forgive you’. ‘You know you should have done it better but, I forgive you’. Every day, we grow. And every day, we learn. And as the days go by, we find and learn more about who God is turning us to be. And in some of our learning processes, we may do really stupid things, and sometimes may get disappointed in ourselves because we know we should have done it better, or said it better; but c’mon – life goes on!
This post of course is not something I’m writing to give us an excuse (or encourage us) to keep making silly mistakes, or to keep repeating the same wrong thing over and over. No. Instead, it’s something I’m writing to help us understand that we all are growing (in Christ) daily into Maturity (Eph 4: 13)…and I don’t know how long this growth is going to take; but I know that we all are turning into something really beautiful; there may be falls and trips and slips and scars and what have you; but remember that these all make us stronger and wiser and braver.
We must learn to be happy people, we must choose to want to grow, and learn to see ourselves through God’s eyes. We must learn to make peace with ourselves and we must learn to forgive ourselves, since we all already, have been forgiven by God.
Sometimes, the big question you should be asking yourself really isn’t: ‘Has God forgiven me?’ – Because He already has. If you are a believer, then you have been cleansed by the blood of Jesus and you have been forgiven (Read your Bible, it is all there, or if you need scriptural references, well here are some: 1 John 1: 9, Eph 2, Hebrews 10: 16 – 17.)
Maybe the big question for you is: ‘Have you forgiven yourself? Have you moved on? Have you let go? Do you trust this beautiful, magnanimous God to help you be exactly all that He made you to be even though you know you are not perfect? Are you disappointed in yourself because you haven’t got it all figured out?’
Whatever your answers to the above questions may be; I need you to understand that God wants you to leave the ‘I cannot forgive myself’ zone. He wants you to forgive yourself right here and right now. He wants you to move on…because trust me; you do not want to spend your whole life sitting there, whining over that one mistake. You do not have all the time in the world; so it’s wiser you get up quickly from that spot and…get…on…with…your…life, darling
This is what you do at 12:11 am when you don’t know what to do…not because you are jobless; but because you just want to write your heart out at this time of the night when everyone else is sleeping and you can’t seem to.
Life is beautiful. And sometimes not too pretty. And sometimes magic. And sometimes plain crazy. Don’t judge me; I’m only speaking from my experiences…maybe it’s a different definition for you – I don’t know. I’ve learnt that this is life and it is real. I’ve learnt that good things happen; as well as hurtful things. I’ve learnt that God is good no matter what.
I’m at a point in my life where I’m really afraid because I’m not so sure what’s next. I’m at a point where I feel like I’m standing but at the same time floating. I’m not going to pretend that I don’t get afraid. I do.
Afraid of being wrong in making my decisions; because I just want to do the right things.
Afraid because the things I thought would be actually aren’t as I thought they’d be.
Afraid because I am human and let’s not pretend…we all get afraid…right? Well I do.
“Jaachi, you have every reason to cry”… “jaachi, be strong; and laugh at life”…it’s like a war in my tiny head. My thoughts are waging war…so what will it be? “To cry or not to cry? To keep keeping on or to give up? To laugh at life and trust God or to just shrug and say ‘whatever will be will be’?
But life is too small to make me ever doubt God’s Love for me. Come rain or Sunshine. Come good or bad. Oh let the boat rock terribly; let the storms rise; let the winds blow…let it even knock things off; I’ll still laugh. Even if the skies snow down rocks…Yes, I’ll still laugh. Yes, I’ll still pray. Yes, I’ll still Trust. Yes, I’ll still hope. And yes, I’ll still believe.
I’ll still laugh even though I’m afraid. I’ll laugh afraid!
Who says that it isn’t okay to cry? It’s okay to cry…and do I cry? Well ya, a lot! But not tonight; just not tonight. I won’t cry tonight neither will I complain. I’ll do just as I once heard a very wise person say: ‘Don’t complain, instead turn your wants to supplications’. I’ll turn these hurts to supplications. I’ll thank God every day. I’ll dare to Trust – because I have to…He is the only Person I hang my life on.
So hey, we won’t cry tonight. Maybe some other night; but not tonight! You know what we’re gon do? We’ll turn those hurts to supplications, and we’ll be thankful to the Father, and to Jesus, and to the Holy Spirit.
Life is beautiful. And crazy. And magic. And ‘not too pretty’. But life is too small to make me think that my God is not too Big!
So I’ll end this with one of my favourite song-lyrics in the whole world.
“…And my soul will know
Your Love surrounds me when my thoughts wage war
When night screams terror, there Your voice will roar
Come death or shadow, God I know Your light will meet me there
And my soul will know
When fear comes knocking there You’ll be my guide
When day breeds trouble, there you’ll hold my heart
Come storm or battle, God I know Your peace will meet me there
Oh, be still my heart
My soul will ever know that you are God…”
(HIllsong United – Prince of peace)
Ashes are ugly, they are gritty and displeasing to the eyes
Ashes are remnants of what used to be
Ashes are the result of something being burnt
Ashes are the result of something that has gone through the ringer
Ashes represent grief
Ashes represent humiliation
Ashes represent worthlessness
We’ve all been through situations and circumstances that have resulted in ashes
We’ve been hurt, disappointed and discouraged because of these ashes
When the thought of that situation revisits our minds, our hearts begins to ache, it’s a thorn in our flesh
Any resemblance of that experience and the person(s) involved in it automatically makes us defensive
We’re stuck, unable to move forward…we relive the moment over and over again
You may even be experiencing that “ash” moment as you read this
It’s a fresh wounded, the pain is continuously oozing out
The amount of tears that you’ve cried over this issue can’t be numbered
It may be a broken relationship, a failure, a loss, a career disappointment, an academic issue, a family issue, etc.
Today I have come to deliver good news to you. No matter how bad and ugly the situation is or has been, it will work for your good (Romans 8:28). God is turning it all around (Psalm 126:1); it’s not your final destination it is a temporary stop over. Look onto your father, trust him to heal and restore you. He is the one that has the ability to make all things beautiful (Ecclesiastes 3:11).
It’s a beautiful exchange, he gives beauty for ashes (Isaiah 61:3). Stop holding on to the ashes, let it go! Make room for beauty, that is what God has prepared for you. Let it go, forgive that person, forget that disappointment. God is set to do a new thing (Isaiah 43:19)
Trade your ashes for God’s beauty today, it will be worth your while.
He has great things in store for you. When he turns it all around you will marvel at how it turns out. He will exceed your expectations; it will feel like you are dreaming.
So what do you say? Are you ready for the beautiful exchange?
ABOUT BUNMI ADEBIYI
Bunmi Adebiyi is a pastor at God’s Love Tabernacle International Church. She has a calling to young women, with the mandate to empower them into becoming well rounded women within their societies by fulfilling purpose and honoring God with their bodies (she will be officially launching her personal ministry soon). Bunmi is the owner and CEO of BeDazzling a company whose vision is to redefine fashion by making modesty the new “sexy”; it specializes in men and women jewelry, clothing, and accessories.
Bunmi is also a Public Health professional by training and a writer, she specializes in poetry and Christian non-fiction.
Bunmi was born in Houston, TX and raised in Brooklyn, NY. She is the first of four children. Bunmi has a Bachelor’s degree in Health Sciences from Howard University and a Master’s degree in Public Health from Morgan State University. After graduation from Morgan State University, the Lord laid it on her heart to move to Nigeria. It was one of the toughest decisions that she ever had to make that turned out to be one of the best decisions of her life.
Bunmi is married to Tunde who is also a Pastor at God’s Love Tabernacle International Church and a Medical Doctor by profession. They have a beautiful daughter named Toluwani Eden.
Together they are on a mission to take the gospel of Jesus Christ to the ends of the Earth and to enjoy life abundantly while doing it.
Dear Future Her,
“I don’t just want to be that girl who dreamed BUT did nothing. I want to be that girl who dreamed AND did everything she could – not with her own strength, but with the strength of The One who gave her that dream. Hi again, my name is Jaachi, and as much as I love to dream – I also have to take responsibility…and brave too.”
I wrote in February that: it’s okay to dream and it’s okay to not be comfortable with the normal…it’s okay to want more. It’s okay to not be satisfied with your latest accomplishments… et cetera, et cetera! Yes it’s true, and I still believe in dreams. I still dream – a lot, even.
But honey, honey, honey…hear me out: As much as it is okay to dream; just dreaming is not enough. You also have to be a responsible girl, and lady, and woman (as the case may be). You must be ready to DO – that’s one. Know that: God does not give us dreams and visions and then just abandon us like that – He also gives us instructions, and steps to take, and ideas, and creativity to help make our big dreams become a reality. And when I say ‘our big dreams’, I mean the dreams He has placed in our hearts. Whenever you find yourself in a state of confusion about what or what not to do – Ask God, ask God, ask God! Ask Him what you have to do next, He’ll tell you. As a matter of fact, He never intended for us to be confused in the first place.
You know, I can stay all day in bed and dream, and receive instructions from God. But if I never get up to do something, nothing will ever change. I’ll just be that girl who dreamed too much but never did a thing.
Beautiful Girly-girl, you must be responsible. You must be ready to take steps. It’s not going to be one of the best feelings in the world sometimes – but you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do.
The beautiful thing about writing is that when I write to you, I write to me too. I don’t write as someone who is perfect or, as one who has got everything on earth all figured out. I am still learning – everyday. And I pray to God every day for wisdom, and help. I ask Him for strength and very importantly – for bravery…bravery to be everything I was born to be; and this brings me to my second point.
Beautiful, beautiful girl… You have to be BRAVE!
You have to be: Brave enough to hold God’s hands all the way. Brave enough to know who you really are. Like a warrior that you are – be brave! Because trust me, things may not always work out as you plan; be brave anyway…be brave enough to TRUST God forever. Some days, things may try to stand in your way (which include: distractions, and even attractions…plus fear too) – you have to be brave enough to say a loud ‘NO’ to these things…brave enough to just MOVE. Yes!
“Lovely one, if you dare to dream, then you must be brave enough to fight.” – Lisa Bevere
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong, vigorous, and very brave. Be not afraid, neither be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” – Joshua 1: 9 (Amp)
“For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control.” – 2 Timothy 1: 7 (Amp)
Honestly, I have my fears…I believe everybody does anyway. Some days I’m really afraid of taking a bold step or, of taking risks; I mean, it’s cooler to play safe right? Risks are risky right? (LOL). I try to give myself all the reasons in the world to why I shouldn’t take that risk…all the reasons in the world to why I should relax and be comfortable with ‘here’…all the reasons in the world to why I should hide and be okay with not being heard…Some days sincerely, I’m just afraid.
“Never imagine that ‘always brave’ translates to ‘never afraid’.” – Lisa Bevere.
I like the quote above by Lisa. Sometimes fear may creep in, there may be sweaty palms, shaky legs, stamping feet, pounding hearts, and what have you – But be brave anyway. Our fears are nothing compared to God’s Truth. When you can understand this, you’ll see that there’s nothing you can’t do. You’ll be brave and strong and still be the beautiful girl that you are. You will be in control…and yes, you’ll be the one laughing at FEAR.
Just dreaming is not enough. Take responsibility. Be brave.