Not Tonight!

we are not

This is what you do at 12:11 am when you don’t know what to do…not because you are jobless; but because you just want to write your heart out at this time of the night when everyone else is sleeping and you can’t seem to.

Life is beautiful. And sometimes not too pretty. And sometimes magic. And sometimes plain crazy. Don’t judge me; I’m only speaking from my experiences…maybe it’s a different definition for you – I don’t know. I’ve learnt that this is life and it is real. I’ve learnt that good things happen; as well as hurtful things. I’ve learnt that God is good no matter what.

I’m at a point in my life where I’m really afraid because I’m not so sure what’s next. I’m at a point where I feel like I’m standing but at the same time floating. I’m not going to pretend that I don’t get afraid. I do.

Afraid of being wrong in making my decisions; because I just want to do the right things.

Afraid because the things I thought would be actually aren’t as I thought they’d be.

Afraid because I am human and let’s not pretend…we all get afraid…right? Well I do.

Afraid…

Afraid…

Afraid…
“Jaachi, you have every reason to cry”… “jaachi, be strong; and laugh at life”…it’s like a war in my tiny head. My thoughts are waging war…so what will it be? “To cry or not to cry? To keep keeping on or to give up? To laugh at life and trust God or to just shrug and say ‘whatever will be will be’?

But life is too small to make me ever doubt God’s Love for me. Come rain or Sunshine. Come good or bad. Oh let the boat rock terribly; let the storms rise; let the winds blow…let it even knock things off; I’ll still laugh. Even if the skies snow down rocks…Yes, I’ll still laugh. Yes, I’ll still pray. Yes, I’ll still Trust. Yes, I’ll still hope. And yes, I’ll still believe.

I’ll still laugh even though I’m afraid. I’ll laugh afraid!

Who says that it isn’t okay to cry? It’s okay to cry…and do I cry? Well ya, a lot! But not tonight; just not tonight. I won’t cry tonight neither will I complain. I’ll do just as I once heard a very wise person say: ‘Don’t complain, instead turn your wants to supplications’. I’ll turn these hurts to supplications. I’ll thank God every day. I’ll dare to Trust – because I have to…He is the only Person I hang my life on.

So hey, we won’t cry tonight. Maybe some other night; but not tonight! You know what we’re gon do? We’ll turn those hurts to supplications, and we’ll be thankful to the Father, and to Jesus, and to the Holy Spirit.

Life is beautiful. And crazy. And magic. And ‘not too pretty’. But life is too small to make me think that my God is not too Big!

So I’ll end this with one of my favourite song-lyrics in the whole world.
“…And my soul will know
Your Love surrounds me when my thoughts wage war
When night screams terror, there Your voice will roar
Come death or shadow, God I know Your light will meet me there
And my soul will know
When fear comes knocking there You’ll be my guide
When day breeds trouble, there you’ll hold my heart
Come storm or battle, God I know Your peace will meet me there
Oh, be still my heart
My soul will ever know that you are God…”
(HIllsong United – Prince of peace)

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