I never would have been able to write this to you, let alone own a blog if I had never met Jesus.
I really wasn’t planning on posting this for the month ‘March’; but as you can see…I had to – because you have to know this. You have to know the whole truth. You have to understand that you can’t find the ‘real YOU’ until you meet Jesus; until you say “Okay, this is it God – here’s my pretty but broken heart; take it!”…
You know, I once read in a book that: if you want someone to hear something, tell it in a story! So right now, I’ll be writing to you a little about my own story. And I promise to be very real with you here.
…I was never that girl who believed in herself, I placed what people said of me way highly than what God said of me. Worse even, I wasn’t really sure what God said of me… Also, reading the king James Version bible didn’t make things easier for me either; because every time I read the it, I got a little more confused than I already was. All the “THOUs” and “THINEs” and “CANSTs” and “DOTHs” were pretty tiring; and as for my personal ‘Revised Standard Version bible’ – I just hated it, because I thought there was something about its prints that was very annoying.
Thing is: I thought I knew God. I thought Christianity was more like a bunch of “hey, do this…and don’t do that” kinda thing – at least that was the way my church put the picture; and really, I grew up my whole life thinking “okay, this is all to Christianity” – and sincerely; It was boring, tiring & quite frustrating. I was afraid of God, and I wasn’t certain of His Love for me. I didn’t even know if He really loved me or not. The bible didn’t make full sense to me, it just seemed like a book with a million words that one had to memorize …I guess I was just a confused young sweetheart.
So many times – if not all the time, I didn’t think I was good enough, or beautiful enough… I never really understood what I was made for, and who I was made to be. To me, I was just another girl who was born to follow the regular pattern of life; which I simply thought was: “Go to school. Get a job. Meet the Love of my life. Marry Him. Have kids. Watch them grow. Then finally, Die and afterwards go to heaven if I’d been a good christian, or get kicked to hell by God if I’d been a bad one.”
I had a low self-esteem. And most times, I was depressed for no serious reasons, I would just find myself unnecessarily sad or angry. I tried to love myself but it didn’t work. I hated feeling sad for no reason, and I tried to make it go away; but I guess my feelings were stronger than me. I knew I had so much potential, but that didn’t really mean anything to me; because I never thought I was anything close to being enough. But!…even in and with all these, I still heard a voice tell me in my heart that I was made for so much more; and somehow I agreed with that voice – but I didn’t understand anything…nothing fully made sense. I was uncertain about things. And I was trying and working so hard to make God love me continually – I didn’t realize that He had always loved me, and will forever love me unconditionally.
Okay, fast forward to October 2011…
On October 30, 2011, I re-dedicated my life to God – I remember I told Him that day “okay God, this is it! – I’m sorry and here’s my heart.” (not in these exact same words, but something close). I was still confused about stuff but I re-dedicated my life anyway, and I was sincere about it. That same 2011, in December; God did something incredible – He placed me in a new Church where I was taught, where I grew, and where I am still growing even to this present day. In 2012, I started finding me, little…by little. In 2013, I knew I had to get out of the relationship I was in; because it didn’t just feel right to me anymore; plus…I wasn’t about to continue settling for less than I deserved. Breaking up wasn’t too easy on my side – of course! I wasn’t expecting it to be easy, since I had dated this guy ‘who I so loved’ for almost two years of my precious life – but I got out of the relationship anyway; and today I can boldly say I have no regrets. Later in the same 2013, I started this amazing blog – Revolve. In 2014, my growth was unbelievable! And now in 2015, it’s only getting better for me…
I cannot say how much Jesus (who is the king of all beautiful things) has transformed my life. Jesus is beautiful. Jesus is the best thing that ever happened to me. My life has been amazingly changed and I currently can’t trace that old girl to this new one. Now I know, and I can scream on the rooftops that: I am strong. brave. awesome. loved. forgiven. whole. unique. extraordinary. and 100% amazing!
Dear future her….and even ‘present her’, I don’t know how you want to live your life without having a real ‘daughter-to-Dad’ relationship with God – I just don’t know. Maybe you’re currently struggling to know who God is, or maybe you don’t even care to know at all. But please, hear me out – ‘God is so real, He is the most real thing. God is love (1John 4:8)’. He is absolutely Love; and no! He isn’t some boring old man in the sky waiting to lash you for every mistake you make – no! no! no! If anything, He wants to help you, lead you, teach you, cover your mistakes. He wants you to be happy and very free – free enough to fly so high. Free enough to hate sin and to rise above it too.
“He alone is the magnificent, faithful, and true prince who left behind His heavenly kingdom to search for His captive bride. He is the lover of our souls who still calls to us from the eons of ages ‘come away with me, My love!’ He has broken the bonds of sin and banished the sleep of death from His beloved, and He bids her to dance, rejoice, and make herself ready for His return.”
– Lisa Bevere (from the book ‘Kissed The Girls And Made Them Cry’.)
Look, I can’t say completely how much God loves you, because my mind is way too tiny to grasp fully the depth, height and width of His love for you…I can and will only leave you with this: “God loves you too much” – too much for you to keep walking away from Him. Too much for you to go another day not feeling good enough or pretty enough or smart enough. Too much for you to keep letting things and people define you. Too much for you to keep settling for less than you very well know you deserve. – He loves you too much. Run, run, run to Him!…I don’t know how to go on emphasizing on how much God loves you and on how real He is, but I trust Him to work the rest all out in your heart. Amen… And if you’re ready for Him now, then I’m more than ready to pray with you – Yeah! 🙂 . So just read the next few words below out loud – loud enough for your own ears to hear them; and read them like you’re talking to a person – because you actually are; and He’s actually listening to you right now. Okay? Good, so let’s do this.
“Dear sweet King, I know that you are real and that you are The giver of real beauty, real dreams, real hopes, and real life. I’m sorry I’ve hated myself. I’m sorry I haven’t felt good enough – even though you made me ‘more than good enough’. I’m sorry I’ve listened to other things rather than listen to you. I’m sorry I’ve made other things and even my own self ‘Lord’. Forgive me. I confess today that you alone are Lord, and I believe that you came, you died and God raised you from the dead on the third day. Today I choose to put my trust in you, Jesus, and I know I will never be disappointed (see Romans 10:9-11). Thank you for loving me, even before I took in my first oxygen. Thank you for saving my soul…And, even though so much has happened in my life, and I feel so broken right now; I know in my heart that you can take very broken things and turn them into the most beautiful of things. So thank you…thank you for making me so beautiful. Amen.
If you just said this prayer, I’m excited for you right now; and I’ll definitely be praying for you too.
I love you. And you rock real big! Xoxo,